Why Did You Doubt? [Proper 14A - Matthew 14:22-33]

The Rt. Rev. Jeremiah Williamson

Matthew 14:22-33

 

Why Did You Doubt?

St. Mary’s, Springfield Center

 

As he thrashed around in the tumultuous sea, the answer to Jesus’ query seemed rather obvious.  And the doubt in Peter’s mind justified.  And yet, it was in that chaotic moment in which Jesus posed his question.  Because, after all, who doesn’t enjoy a deep philosophical discussion when one is pre-occupied with drowning?

 

Jesus asked Peter the “why” question.  And I don’t know if that was advisable.  As a parent, I can tell you, experts work very hard to talk that question out of the parental vocabulary.  In books and blogs, they claim it causes shame or fear.  Sometimes a cognitive block.  Often defensiveness.  In the Gospel text, Peter’s response to Jesus’ “why” is not recorded – if there even was one.  It is difficult to talk when one is terrified and choking on water.

 

Still in the stormy sea, not yet safe in the battered boat, Jesus reaches out and takes hold of Peter.  Peter is safer in the hands of Jesus, but not yet safe in the boat, or safer still on shore.  It is in that liminal moment that Jesus says to Peter, “Why did you doubt?” 

 

As someone who is not a great swimmer and is freaked out by the idea of fish touching me and has no interest in being in water stormy enough to batter a boat, I think the answer is pretty obvious.  I too would doubt my ability to walk on the surface of the water – especially when the stakes were so high, the location so far from the shore, and the wavy water so deep and angry. 

 

To be honest, if I ever did find myself so unfortunate to be on a tossed boat, I would probably still consider that location preferable to leaving the boat mid-sea.  I would have never stepped out of the boat to begin with.  And I would not have been alone in that stance, neither would I have been alone in that boat.  You see, according to the Gospel passage from Matthew, the disciples, plural, were in the battered boat, not just Peter.  That seems to suggest that eleven disciples did not sink with doubt, they doubted that Peter’s idea was a good one to begin with.  Most everyone stayed in the boat.  No one else dared step into the sea.  And yet Peter is the one who bears the brunt of Jesus’ question. 

 

Since it is Jesus who is asking the question, it probably doesn’t matter if it was fair or not.  But it is interesting that Jesus doesn’t ask the other eleven a “why” question – like why they didn’t have enough faith to follow Peter onto, and then into, the water.

 

Peter sinks, but at least Peter tries.  And to me that seems like a really big deal – a really big step of faith.  And no, the faith doesn’t last very long, but a little faith is still more than no faith at all.  Maybe Jesus saying, “you of little faith” wasn’t an insult; maybe it was a starting point.  It is Jesus who says later in this same Gospel that faith the size of a tiny mustard seed can move mountains.

 

I don’t know about you, but I am hoping to work up to a little faith – enough to step out with Jesus, maybe enough to move a mountain or two.

 

And even the first step can be scary and intimidating.  Because we live in a tumultuous world.  Stepping out often means getting battered or risking that sinking feeling.  It is easier to play it safe – safe from the insults and social media takedowns, safe from awkward family dinners and icy occupational water coolers.

 

Peter was brave – not forever but sometimes.  He was the only person in the boat willing to step out with Jesus.  He had a little faith, and a little more than everyone else.  And sometimes I am envious of that little faith because I often find it hard to bring myself to stand on the waves with Jesus.  I find it hard to muster even a mustard seed.

 

But even when I lack the courage to be brave, Jesus is still in the sea and in my boat.  Even though I have my own doubts. Even though sometimes I feel like I am drowning.  Even when I am tossed by the waves and battered by this life.  And anxious and scared and timid.

 

When Peter was sinking, Jesus was there – outstretched arm and steady hand.  When the disciples were huddled and frightened, Jesus was there – whispering the chaos into calm, the storms into peace.

 

Faith is not a belief in the sturdiness of the water.  Faith is not confidence in the floatation of the boat.  Sinking is always a possibility; it happens.  Faith is knowing we can never sink beyond the reach of Jesus.  Faith is knowing that no storm can ever keep him away.  Faith is knowing that the foundation on which Jesus invites us to stand is firm.  Faith is investing your life in the promise that nothing can separate you from the love of Jesus – a love that refuses to let go.  In these tempestuous times, courage is hard, doubt is persistent, the waters are choppy, but Jesus is close.  And his outstretched arms will never let you down.